Euphoria

Well, I have been cleaning the house today, which is weird because I usually only really clean when I am on some type of opiate. My shrink says I'm full of shit, that opiates don't give people energy. Well, fuck him! They do me. I take a handful of lortabs or oxycodone and I feel charged. Absolutely alive and full of energy. I say the right things, can do the right things, hell, I even feel the right way. Besides, what would he know about it? I seriously doubt the man's ever taken a handful of anything in his life, let alone some fucking drugs. But he is an earth person. Thats what I call people who arent addicts. They are different. They set goals, put on their blinders and just do life. I want more than that. I have to stop and look around, test the water, analyze the shit outa it. I'm that kid that keeps asking why. I can't just take people's word for it. I have to do it myself. I could have a panic attack watching someone sweep the floor- I want to do it. Hey, let me...I want to see if I can do it better. You missed a spot. but that's just me. And probably what gets me in my messes alot of the time. There are more qualified people to do things but I want to do it myself. Except when it comes to doing the right things. Thats boring. Most of the time the wrong thing is where the fun's at. Which is another thing I don't understand about God. We have these instincts, this human nature. It's natural to do the wrong things. Well, didn't God make us? With all these flaws? So why would that be something I would have to be condemned for? He made me imperfect so why would I need to ask forgiveness for something thats in my nature to do? I try to do the right things but naturally I can't every time. There's a flaw in my design. Not something I chose but something I was born with, something that was given to me. So how is that my fault. I can only try to do what's right, and expect that its not gonna be right all the time, because I'm human. But to feel guilty for how I was made? To pit myself against myself and feel guilty when I can't win. That's absurd.